Saturday, October 2, 2010
26 weeks and 3 days
Well I am going on 27 weeks this coming Wednesday. What a blessing. I've never made it this far and so I am starting to feel what it is really like to be preggers. It's been a rough couple of days...experiencing some mild cramping and discomfort which scares me a little but I am sure it is just my uterus making more room for the little one. I am finding the little things I am used to doing are now becoming a struggle, which I know is going to drive me nuts. I just need to take it easy for another 11 weeks...I can do it!! Continuing to take my progesterone shots and will do that until week 36. Hoping we can make it to our scheduled c-section date without experiencing preterm labor. Thinking positive thoughts.
Monday, September 6, 2010
It's a doozle!! -- 22 weeks and 5 days
Yup, that's right most of you already know..we are having a BOY again! It's a good thing we didn't buy too many pink items. I have to say I was a little bummed when the doc said "are you sure it's a girl"...well I don't know you tell me! I guess 15 weeks was a little too early to verify the gender...I just had to laugh. Any more curve balls you want to throw at us doc? You just have to laugh and appreciate the moment. At our 19 1/2 week appointment when they usually determine the gender...baby Tomlinson was not cooperating that day so we didn't get a peek and of course we never really questioned anything. I have to say when they first said it was a girl I was really surprised...all along I knew it was a boy. Boy or girl I am so happy that my pregnancy is healthy. Baby Grayden really wanted a little brother he can watch over from heaven. I truly believe things happen for a reason in our lives good or bad they make us stronger and if anything more appreciative of life and the blessings we are given. So now it's time to think blue/green...I still can't stop thinking about bows and tutu skirts...geesh! Now it's on to finding a new name...I have to save Addysen for my little girl I hope to have one day...I just love this name! As for right now he is known as Baby Tomlinson. When I go back in 3 weeks for another check up they better not tell us it's a girl...I highly doubt it but I just have to laugh thinking about it.
Oh and for all my abbysisters...my cervix is measuring about 4 cm...great length wouldn't you say! This time last pregnancy I was on bed rest in the hospital fighting for baby grayden's life!! It feels so flipping good to be were I am right now. For a moment a woman who has been through what I have been through questions if that day of bringing home a baby would ever come. Staying positive and optimistic has gotten me this far. Still a long road a head but we are past the half way mark and December is not that far away.
Yay for BOYS!!!!
Oh and for all my abbysisters...my cervix is measuring about 4 cm...great length wouldn't you say! This time last pregnancy I was on bed rest in the hospital fighting for baby grayden's life!! It feels so flipping good to be were I am right now. For a moment a woman who has been through what I have been through questions if that day of bringing home a baby would ever come. Staying positive and optimistic has gotten me this far. Still a long road a head but we are past the half way mark and December is not that far away.
Yay for BOYS!!!!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Letter from a Bereaved Mother
I had to share the following letter because it is most certainly true and explains a bereaved mothers thoughts and feelings to a T!
After experiencing some hurts along this long, winding, very bumpy, pot-holed, under-construction road of sorrow, I decided to write this letter. I wrote it on OUR behalves as I have gathered such insight from other baby loss moms as well. Feel free to use it in any way you see fit- if it fits for you and certainly take liberty to omit or add to. I just needed to get this off my proverbial chest. =)
Dear family and friends of the bereaved mom,
This letter was written to help you respond in a healing way to the bereaved mom in your life. First, to inform you that you cannot possibly give advice to the grieving mother unless you too have lost a child. Even then- what worked for you may not work for her, so tread lightly. Please do not say anything more than the following statements which have been approved by bereaved mothers: I am so sorry. I am thinking of you. I am praying for you. My heart breaks for you. I wish there were something I could say or do to bring your baby back. This really sucks. This is so unfair. I am here for you. If you want to talk I will listen. Please only say the last two if you mean them. Please call and ask how she is dealing with the loss 3,6,9 and 12 months later and simply say you are thinking of her. It is important to remember the birth/death day, send a note or card if you are not comfortable with a call. She is still grieving, she has not gotten over it and she will never "get over it."If you have left a message and she has not responded please do not mention to her that she isn't getting back to you. She needs to know you are willing to listen and comfort, but also not feel pressured to return messages. She will reach out when/if she needs you. She will appreciate the gesture. Do not be afraid of her tears, they are cleansing to her, and you will not make her mad for asking about the child she continually thinks about and misses. Please do not expect anything or need anything from her for at least 6 months to a year (everyone grieves in a unique way this is just a guideline). And by expecting/needing anything this includes attending any family or special gatherings, especially holidays and baby showers or any place there may be a baby. Simply extend the invite and leave it at that. This also includes your need to be there for her, your feelings may be hurt if she doesn't come to you. Find a way to get past it without her knowing. Let her off the hook if she says she will be somewhere and she changes her mind and cancels. You cannot take her decisions personally! Do not go into great detail about someone else's new baby, if she wants to know she will ask. If she and her significant other plan to "try again" you will know IF she tells you, this is not an appropriate question. Don't ever assume she has other people supporting her. Don't think you have nothing to offer. She may be all alone in her grief with no one to talk to, the only way you can know this is by contacting her. When speaking of her child use his/her name, it is important to recognize him/her as a person. If you are close to her and someone who is not continues to ask about how she is doing, encourage the individual/s to reach out to her. If the individual does not, keep your statements vague in order to protect her privacy. And do not tell her all about how this individual keeps asking specific questions about her (she doesn't need to know that so-and-so keeps asking if you are still crying all the time and won't call to offer her condolences). This is called gossip, no one likes being talked about and not to. It is a wise idea to do some research regarding the loss of a child. There are many books, websites, blogs, ministries and gifts available that will help you learn how to respond to a grieving parent. And better yet ask the bereaved mother in your life how she would prefer to be comforted, she may not know, especially if it is a very recent loss. She will appreciate you asking and there is nothing wrong with admitting you don't know how to act. There was a time when she didn't know what it was like to be in the shoes of a mother without her baby to hold. And finally, avoidance is NOT the best policy. Despite what you may think she knows you are avoiding her and chances are that hurts her more than you saying the wrong thing. Again use the aforementioned statements or resources. Not saying anything can be interpreted as an attitude of indifference. It can also make you look like a coward. I cannot apologize if this letter seems too harsh or uncomfortable for you. The emotions a mother feels are harsh and uncomfortable and for months at a time. The last thing she needs is someone she loves making her feel worse by your words or actions. I do hope that the manner in which I wrote this letter does not tempt you to dismiss the content.
Thank you for reading and being a support to us.
Sincerely, Audrey's bereaved mom
After experiencing some hurts along this long, winding, very bumpy, pot-holed, under-construction road of sorrow, I decided to write this letter. I wrote it on OUR behalves as I have gathered such insight from other baby loss moms as well. Feel free to use it in any way you see fit- if it fits for you and certainly take liberty to omit or add to. I just needed to get this off my proverbial chest. =)
Dear family and friends of the bereaved mom,
This letter was written to help you respond in a healing way to the bereaved mom in your life. First, to inform you that you cannot possibly give advice to the grieving mother unless you too have lost a child. Even then- what worked for you may not work for her, so tread lightly. Please do not say anything more than the following statements which have been approved by bereaved mothers: I am so sorry. I am thinking of you. I am praying for you. My heart breaks for you. I wish there were something I could say or do to bring your baby back. This really sucks. This is so unfair. I am here for you. If you want to talk I will listen. Please only say the last two if you mean them. Please call and ask how she is dealing with the loss 3,6,9 and 12 months later and simply say you are thinking of her. It is important to remember the birth/death day, send a note or card if you are not comfortable with a call. She is still grieving, she has not gotten over it and she will never "get over it."If you have left a message and she has not responded please do not mention to her that she isn't getting back to you. She needs to know you are willing to listen and comfort, but also not feel pressured to return messages. She will reach out when/if she needs you. She will appreciate the gesture. Do not be afraid of her tears, they are cleansing to her, and you will not make her mad for asking about the child she continually thinks about and misses. Please do not expect anything or need anything from her for at least 6 months to a year (everyone grieves in a unique way this is just a guideline). And by expecting/needing anything this includes attending any family or special gatherings, especially holidays and baby showers or any place there may be a baby. Simply extend the invite and leave it at that. This also includes your need to be there for her, your feelings may be hurt if she doesn't come to you. Find a way to get past it without her knowing. Let her off the hook if she says she will be somewhere and she changes her mind and cancels. You cannot take her decisions personally! Do not go into great detail about someone else's new baby, if she wants to know she will ask. If she and her significant other plan to "try again" you will know IF she tells you, this is not an appropriate question. Don't ever assume she has other people supporting her. Don't think you have nothing to offer. She may be all alone in her grief with no one to talk to, the only way you can know this is by contacting her. When speaking of her child use his/her name, it is important to recognize him/her as a person. If you are close to her and someone who is not continues to ask about how she is doing, encourage the individual/s to reach out to her. If the individual does not, keep your statements vague in order to protect her privacy. And do not tell her all about how this individual keeps asking specific questions about her (she doesn't need to know that so-and-so keeps asking if you are still crying all the time and won't call to offer her condolences). This is called gossip, no one likes being talked about and not to. It is a wise idea to do some research regarding the loss of a child. There are many books, websites, blogs, ministries and gifts available that will help you learn how to respond to a grieving parent. And better yet ask the bereaved mother in your life how she would prefer to be comforted, she may not know, especially if it is a very recent loss. She will appreciate you asking and there is nothing wrong with admitting you don't know how to act. There was a time when she didn't know what it was like to be in the shoes of a mother without her baby to hold. And finally, avoidance is NOT the best policy. Despite what you may think she knows you are avoiding her and chances are that hurts her more than you saying the wrong thing. Again use the aforementioned statements or resources. Not saying anything can be interpreted as an attitude of indifference. It can also make you look like a coward. I cannot apologize if this letter seems too harsh or uncomfortable for you. The emotions a mother feels are harsh and uncomfortable and for months at a time. The last thing she needs is someone she loves making her feel worse by your words or actions. I do hope that the manner in which I wrote this letter does not tempt you to dismiss the content.
Thank you for reading and being a support to us.
Sincerely, Audrey's bereaved mom
Friday, August 13, 2010
19 weeks and 2 days
We have successfully passed our milestone!! This time last pregnancy I was preparing for an emergency cerclage and on bed rest. This is an amazing feeling. My cervix is holding strong and long...4.2 cm!! The TAC is a miracle. As I have voiced this before, any woman who is contemplating getting a TAC I am here to tell you it is worth it a million times over. I am no longer feeling anxious about my pregnancy and know that I can truly enjoy this special time in a woman's life. To all my Abbylooper sisters you have inspired me and I thank you for that....you are all an amazing support group. Especially in times when others do not understand the pain and tears. I hope the TAC procedure will become widely known and accessible for all woman! God Bless our little angels in heaven and the miracles in our tummy.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
It's A Girl!
I am 16 weeks and 3 days today and we are having a girl! Sean and I swore up and down we were going to have another boy. When we both heard the news from the doctor I of course was so very excited and all Sean saw were dollar signs. I turned to him and said you better watch out she is going to be daddy's little girl! I know this because I come from a family of all girls. Someone said to me today, "Oh you are having a girl? It's the year of the tiger she will be a feisty one"....if so then we'll have our hands full. Maybe it's payback from when we were younger. Anyways, We are so very excited for the special day to come. Everything else looked great!! My cervix is measuring 4 cm which is normal....yes I said normal! So happy to hear those words. I have another doctors appointment in a couple of weeks looking forward to seeing our baby girl!!
Addysen Marie Tomlinson
Saturday, July 10, 2010
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