There is hope! Sean and I met with Dr. Gilbert at Perinatal Associates last Wednesday to discuss our options for future pregnancies. I am a candidate for the TAC (Trans abdominal cerclage). This procedure is not common and for most woman like me it is a last resort to prevent future losses. Similar to the trans-vaginal cerclage the TAC is placed through the abdominal and is permanent.

Recap, I previously had the trans-vaginal cerclage placed at 19 wks due to cervical incompetence. This diagnosis is rare (occurs in only 1-2% of all pregnancies) and usually is not detected until a woman has experienced a loss during her second trimester . My cerclage failed resulting in premature labor at 24 wks. After experiencing much devastation over the loss of our first child and a 95% success rate we know a TAC is our last option. My surgery is scheduled for March 5 and I am looking forward to many future miracle pregnancies.

I found a great link from Channel 7 news in LA covering a story of a woman who had a successful TAC. Her story touches home. Thought I would share being a strong advocate for this procedure.

http://abclocal.go.com/kabc/story?section=news/health&id=6608988

I've had much time to reflect on what has happened over the past few months. Spent 5 weeks on bed rest, 3 at home, 2 in the hospital, lost our first born at 24 weeks premature and 3 weeks later my Grandma Huny passed away.

I've felt sad, angry, jealousy, fear and guilt...it's like riding the emotional roller coaster that never stops. Most of these feelings have subsided but of course they will never truly go away. I've found comfort through many things; therapy, writing, religion and stories of women who share the same experiences.

I've thought long and hard about my Catholic roots. I say this because my Grandma Huny was a devoted Catholic. As I watched Huny prepare herself for the next journey in her life I saw no fear only comfort and acceptance. She had something to believe in to help guide the way. As my journey through life is different at this very moment I too must believe that GOD has a plan for Sean and I. Believing helps me put one foot in front of the other each and every day.

I've learned so much from what has happened...one that many may not understand and that is ok. We should appreciate life and the people that surround us. They are gifts! I don't want to sweat the small stuff. I want to embrace the things that truly make me happy like Sean (my hubby), family and friends, Zoey and Sadie (my two labs) and most of all...Life.

I welcome 2010. It's all about new challenges and a happy and healthy new year.