Only The Best

God saw you getting tired,
and a cure was not to be,
so He put His arms around you
and whispered, "Come to Me."

With tearful eyes we watched you
suffer and saw you fade away;
although we loved you dearly,
we could not make you stay.

A golden heart stopped beating,
hard working hands now rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us
He only takes the best!

In loving memory of Grandma Huny 12-22-09 and Grayden Patrick Tomlinson 12-1-09

Goodbyes Are Never Easy

Just returned home from saying goodbye to my Grandma Huny (Margaret) as she makes her journey to heaven. First it was the passing of our son Grayden and now Huny. I am trying my best to embrace these moments as I did with Grayden. I sat in the room next to Huny's bed, holding her hand telling her I loved her and to watch over Grayden in heaven.

Huny is an amazing women. Her sweet, strong and loving personality will always be remembered. She is a fighter that's for sure! And my Papa...a man so devoted to his wife for 62 years, most people only dream about a love like this but I am lucky enough to see it.

I thank you Huny for inspiring me to be the person I am today. I will remember all the wonderful memories we made together. I love you forever. Now it's time to say goodbye. Peace be with you. Love your Grandaughter Juls

Just My Thoughts

I decided to continue my entries hoping this will help the healing process. Yesterday was rough Sean went back to work. I found myself crying throughout the day. The reality has hit that I am no longer pregnant and it hurts.

My husband has been amazing. I tell him we are a team and we will get through this together. While in the hospital Sean and I were scared that what we experienced would cause resentment towards each other but it has only made us stronger. Each day presents a promising future, although I do not know what is in store I can only hope for the best.

Hello Meets Goodbye

The unexpected happened a week ago Tuesday...I went into labor at 24 weeks. Baby Grayden was too young and passed away.

The doctors prepared us for the worst. We stayed positive and were determined to make it to at least 26 weeks but I guess God had a different plan. I keep asking, "why did this happen to us" but realize there is no true explanation. All I know is that baby Grayden is in a better place. He will forever be our angel.

We were blessed to meet our little angel on December 1, 2009 at 11:38 am. Sean being a proud Daddy held him until he passed away. Baby Grayden was perfect. Words cannot describe that amazing feeling when we met him. The nurses made a wonderful memory box with pictures of Grayden wrapped in his blanket and knit cap, 3-d sculptures of his little hands and feet and yes they were so tiny about the size of my thumb.

Having gone through this has made Sean and I stronger people as individuals and as a married couple. It's amazing to see your partner stand so strong. I tell him he is my rock and I love him more and more everyday. Sometimes you do not know your own strength until you are truly tested.

Everyday brings a new meaning. All I can do is hold on to the strength and hope inside my heart. Thank you friends and family who have been a wonderful support system. We love you.

Two Months and Counting

Update...baby Grayden is doing well and I am finally adjusting to my stay in the hospital. The nurses and doctors are the best around. We are in good hands. A little sad tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I will not be home...but I have many things to be thankful for. We are shooting to make it to 32 weeks around Jan 22 but if we can make it longer I am ok with that. A huge thank you to all my family and friends who have come to visit, you make the time go by fast. Happy Turkey Day to all. Hugs.

Bed Rest Just Got Worse!

I had my follow up appointment with my doctor last Wednesday and they decided to admit me into Sutter Memorial. My cerclage did not hold and they say I am about 1-2 centimeters dilated. I was scared out of my mind knowing that I am having to spend the remainder of my pregnancy in a hospital bed laying in the Trendelenberg position...not comfortable! Gravity will now help baby Grayden stay inside and bake for a little longer. I miss being at home in my own bed and snuggling with my pups and hubby but time will pass before I know it and we will have a little infant to take care of. I better take advantage of this time I have now. I am trying to stay positive everyday. Thanks to everyone and the well wishes. It's getting a little hard to type will post some more later. Hugs.

What is a girl to do?

Hello friends. I decided to start a blog. I'm not one for writing but thought this would be a great way to let my creative juices flow and to help other mommies-to-be who are on bed rest.

Let's see it's been almost 4 weeks since I had a cervical cerclage. For those of you who do not know what a cerclage is, it's when a women has a shortened cervix therefore they pretty much sew you up (they describe it like a purse string) to prevent preterm labor. I was crossing my fingers that the doctor would approve me to go back to work after a week but that was not the case...I am out for the count until March 2010.

So what is a girl to do? I see myself as a pretty active person prior to this diagnosis...exercising, cooking, cleaning, running errands etc, you know what most people do on a daily basis plus more. Now I am limited to showers, making small meals and using the restroom. I can't even leave my house for the holidays. My response was.." Doc, you're not serious...right?" But I received the lecture that if I do not follow these instructions I could risk the health of the baby! So what the heck it's time to find my inner creative juices...thinking this is a great way to express my thoughts and share ideas on how to survive bed rest. It can't be that bad...right? We'll just see. Stay tuned for more.